The Art of Listening

Connecting with one another and making space for one another is an art form that listening offers.

there are feelings. you haven’t felt yet. give them time. they are almost here.- Nayyirah Waheed

A while back, I was caught off guard when my boyfriend said I don’t listen during a fight. I was transported back to my childhood. When I was a kid, my dad would tell me the same thing and I would brush it off and pretend the feedback I was receiving was flawed. I was unable to do that because of the feeling in that split second. Do you remember a moment when clarity suddenly knocked on your door and you felt like something had really stuck to you? This was one of those moments for me. It was as though my ego had melted away for just a moment, and suddenly I was able to see my own shortcomings and weaknesses. Sitting with the reality that I slip on my listening skills has finally allowed me to begin observing my own actions. In particular, when I leave the person in front of me to think about Thursday’s dinner.

I started noticing how this seemingly harmless childhood habit morphed into something that now affected other personal relationships that I valued. In short, it was an action that transformed into a pattern because I did not put anything in place to help me address it. The cherry on the top was the humbling experience I went through a couple days later…